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Thursday, October 3, 2013

A Woman's Place is in the Cave (a tale in 6 stereotypes)

I read it in a 1944 Life magazine, so it has to be true, right? I will never tire of old ads. They present a reality that may have been purposeful for selling a product then, but now they are just humorous.

I take you back now to the stone age.

Where stooped women with un-plucked eyebrows and one-piece bear shifts cooked with stoves made of wood. Still new to the fire and fuel theory, cave woman begged cave man to invent something that wouldn't burn the forest down. Nope.
   "Kapuahi" was the sound this stove would make when gobs of pork fat hit the flame. Many grass skirt fires followed, which caused the invention of the first "stop, drop and roll" campaign called "Hula."  Hawaiian chief was begged for new stove made of volcanic rock, but no.
Just when Women's Lib could have taken off, Cleopatra decided that women who cook should be refereed to as "Slave Maidens." This term is still used today by men with a death wish.  Still no decent stove or utensils.
In the 10th century women were hoping for their own Arab spring, instead they were forced to cook for men next to earthen commodes. The convenience was obvious and now on football Sunday numerous man caves are constructed to combine toilet, consumption of mass quantities, and kitchen in the same chair. 
During revolutionary times there was a brief campaign by Betsy Ross to get women out of the kitchen. Ben Franklin's idea was to do that by building a stove big enough for a women to get into. This only separated the sexes further and nothing much happens for the next 170 years because, well, men were busy building pubs and women? Rolling pins. Finally, thanks to Tappan, the problem was solved.

It only took a million years and 20 war bonds, but we finally got women out of that Bear Shift and into a kitchen with a stove that has a divided top. Problem solved!

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